Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Waiting Game

     I originally started this blog to help alleviate some stress and to educate others about PKU.  Somewhere along the way I started sharing crafts that I made and somehow had the courage to share my cooking disasters.  I want this blog to be real.  I want it to reflect who I am and what my life is like.  All of the beautiful moments of my life along with the ugly truths.  With that being said, I've decided to share the latest ugliness that I am working through.
     It all started with a lump.  I discovered it over a month ago and to be honest, it took me a little while to build up the courage to make a mammogram appointment.  I'm not new to mammograms.  I've had one before because of a family history of breast cancer along with some cystic lumps that were found in my right breast.  Even though I'd already had cystic lumps in my right side and had already enjoyed the squeezing of my boobs before, this time I was apprehensive. 
     The mammogram confirmed what I had known, I now had a lump in my left breast.  A technician did an ultrasound on this breast and declared that the lump that I felt was a cystic lump~  totally normal.  However, there were 2 other masses that did not appear to be normal.  When she told me this, all I could do was stare at the monitor.  Sure enough they did look different.  The next step was to have a surgeon review the ultrasound while I waited.
     Just my luck, he was in a procedure and I would have to wait a little while longer.  Let me tell you, there is nothing more exciting than sitting in a mammogram office waiting to hear what could be wrong with my boob!  There's nothing to look at except gossip magazines from the 80's.  If only I was still interested in what Tony Danza was doing on Who's the Boss with Angela.  Yea I loved that show too!   Like 20 years ago.
     Not to mention, that I was sooooo cold that I truly thought my boobs just might fall off.  Then we've really got a problem!
     The surgeon finally came in and I instantly knew that I wasn't going to receive good news.  He mentioned that the 2 masses were abnormally shaped.  Instead of being like little balls (hehehe) they were more oval shaped.  Plus the longer ends were darker.  These are indicators that the masses could be cancerous.  COULD BE are the key words.  The next step would be to have a core biopsy to see what we're dealing with.
     I was then asked to change and meet with a nurse to set up an appointment.  I had so many thoughts and feelings running through me.  I talked to the nurse and she explained how a biopsy was done and showed me an award winning video!  Just kidding.  About the award part, not the video.  The procedure takes about 15 minutes, yet somehow I will be there for 2 hours.  I'm just not getting that part.
     My appointment is on April 4th in the morning.  I will then go back in on April 5th to receive my results.  This is a real test of my patience.  Like I said I've had so many thoughts, mostly bizarre ones.  I've been honest with myself that I will not fall back into depression.  That whatever it is, it is.  That I will be stronger because of what I endure and that I will take each step with humor, humility, and hopefully grace.
     I just want to end this on a light note.  On the way home from the appointment, I had a thought.  My youngest sister is getting married this summer.  I was honestly thinking....ready....I just can't be bald at her wedding.  I mean I'll be standing in front of everyone.  This thought was quickly followed by...can a wig be put into an up do?  Trust me, I was smiling with these thoughts and I realized, I can play the waiting game and ultimately WIN!

1 comment:

  1. Our thoughts and prayers are going out to you from the Patterson's and we know you have the love and support of one very awesome family!!!

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